Coffee is a driving force in peoples lives - everyone loves the magical black brew or loves someone who is hopelessly addicted. It's not all serious though, as anyone who has tried to engage with a coffee lover pre-caffeine in the morning can attest to the lack of basic mental function, which can lead to some funny stories.
Sometimes reaching out with a humourous quote can ease tensions (they didn't really want to kill you) and give you something to bond over - it's okay, I know the demons need to be tamed by your morning coffee.
Authors and books
You get your inspiration and energy to do your best work with a cup of jo' in hand, so is it any surprise that many famous authors have as well?
“Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine.”Anonymous
“Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.”Anonymous
“Decaffeinated coffee, is kind of like kissing your sister.”Bob Irwin
Sometimes, the name you pick for your company or brand can have unintended consequences...
"Nescafe," says a Mexican saying, "no es cafe." (This means that instant coffee is not real coffee.)
Turkish Coffee Quotes
The ritual of having a coffee and a smoke to relax and refresh isn't necessary for physical survival, but may be for mental survival:
"Coffee and tobacco," says a Turkish proverb, "are complete repose."
Dutch Coffee Quotes
Denmark isn't always the warmest place in the world, and with cold weather comes dry air. No wonder it ranks among the top 10 countries in the world for coffee consumption per capita:
"Coffee has two virtues," proclaims an old Dutch saying, "it is wet and warm."
A Dutch variation of the "I like my coffee like I like my women" joke:
"The most stunning thing you can do is to go to Riyadh [the capital of Saudi Arabia] and walk around the streets downtown," said Thomas Lippman. "After you have had lunch at McDonald's, coffee at Dunkin Donuts and shopped at Saks Fifth Avenue, one has to wonder if they actually hate Americans or not."
German Coffee Quotes
If there's one thing you can say about the Germans, it's that they don't like to go half-way in on something. This German proverb proves that in both love and coffee, they want it hot:
"Coffee and love," states a German proverb, "are best when they are hot."
Brazilian Coffee Quotes
There's irony in hindsight, and with Brazil being the largest producer and exporter of coffee in the world, it's no doubt a boon that supports the livelihood of a large portion of their population. National "misfortune" indeed:
"Coffee is our national misfortune," said a Brazilian coffee farmer in 1934.
Italian Coffee Quotes
While not true in all regards (coffee isn't grown in Italy), the passion of Italians when it comes to espresso is unrivalled in other countries and industries:
"Espresso is to Italy," a gourmet coffee lover once said, "what champagne is to France."
Jamaican Coffee Quotes
There's wisdom in some of the simplest things, like accepting something once it's done. It takes some serious love of coffee to use it as a frame of reference for life.
"You can't take the milk," so goes a Jamaican proverb, "back from the coffee."
Viennese Coffee Quotes
Ever had a cup of coffee so good that makes all others seem bland by comparison? How about one so good that it tarnishes your perception of all others? The unnamed author here found that cup in Vienna.
"The best specialty coffee in Europe is Vienna coffee," someone once said, "compared to which all other coffee is fluid poverty."
Colombian Coffee Quotes
Coffee has an almost magical power to wake us up in the morning, but that doesn't mean that it will make you productive and happy:
"All of the premium coffee in Colombia," someone once said, "won't make me a morning person."
Irish Coffee Quotes
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups," said Alex Levine, adding "alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
Wait a minute, those aren't the food groups...
Arabic Coffee Quotes
In some coffee-growing countries, the two are so closely reliant on each other that priorities have to be explicitly set:
"O Coffee, thou dost dispel all care," said a 1511 Arabic poem adding, "thou art the object of desire to the scholar."
Coffee is great for all occasions. How much coffee on the other hand, is another story:
"The first cup is for the guest," says an old Arabic saying about coffee, adding "the second for enjoyment, the third for the sword."
American Coffee Quotes
The nightlife in New Orleans naturally lends itself to drinking coffee, so much so that they even have their own "New Orleans" style coffee:
"The city of New Orleans with its famous coffee and beignets, Jazz Music and beautiful architecture," said Bill Burke, "will be back like never before."
Coffee arguably powers the go-go-go hustle of America, and woe be anybody who gets in their way:
"An American will go to hell," says a United States proverb, "for a cup of coffee."
Chinese Coffee Quotes
It's a bold statement for a CEO to claim they've changed the culture in a country, but Starbucks may well have been able to do it:
"China traditionally has been a tea-drinking country, but we turned them into coffee drinkers."Howard Schultz
Nicaragua Coffee Quotes
"We prefer the loss of the coffee," said Nicaraguan politician Jaime Wheelock, "to the loss of the country."
Maybe the human race hasn't changed so much in 500 years...
"I'll drink Juan Valdez's coffee," said Gary Gollehon, "but I don't want to ride his burro."
While arguably the most successful coffee brand in the world, Juan Valdez's donkey is still a source of distraction.
"A cup of coffee," says a Turkish Proverb, "commits one to forty years of friendship."
We've all had those bonds that sprung up effortlessly over a cup of coffee - sometimes, you have to be careful who you share it with.
"Men should be like coffee," says a Dutch proverb, adding "hot, sweet, and strong."
British Coffee Quotes
Is it ironic or just sad that an American brand of coffee is popular near the birthplace of true coffee?
"Good coffee may come from Arabia or India, from the Blue Mountains of Jamaica, or via France with an admixture of chicory," said British write Dame Agnes Graham Jekyll, "but its flavor and excellence will be derived from daily careful roasting and grinding, a truism universally admitted and habitually disregarded."
Sometimes, convenience wins over quality.
George Carlin Weighs In on the Complicated Starbucks Order
The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grande half soy half low-fat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet ‘n Low and one Nutra Sweet…ooooh, you are a huge asshole.
Pushing Coffee On Television
“I never worked in a coffee shop,” said Scott Patterson, “and I don't drink coffee, so I never thought I would become a coffee pusher on TV.”
I have tried to show the cafe as a place where one can go mad.
Vincent Van Gogh
Coffee and its Flavors Hitherto Unknown
The centuries last passed have also given the taste important extension; the discovery of sugar and its different preparations, of alcoholic liquors, of wines, ices, vanilla, tea and coffee, have given us flavors hitherto unknown.
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
“Coffee in Brazil is always made fresh and, except at breakfast time, drunk jet black from demitasses first filled almost to the brim with the characteristic moist, soft coffee sugar of the country,” wrote Bob Brown and Cora Rose adding, “which melts five times as fast as our hard granulated. For breakfast larger cups are used, and they're more than half filled with cream. This cafe con leite doesn't re-quire so much sugar as cafe preto-black coffee.”
South American Cookbook (1939)
“In most households a cup of coffee is considered the one thing needful at the breakfast hour. But how often this exhilarating beverage, that ‘comforteth the brain and heateth and helpeth digestion' is made muddy and ill-flavoured!” wrote Janet McKenzie Hill, adding “You may roast the berries ‘to the queen's taste,' and grind them fresh every morning, and yet, if the golden liquid be not prepared in the most immaculate of coffee-pots, with each return of morning, a new disappointment awaits you.”
Practical Cooking and Serving (1902)
We shall prepare the coffee of reconciliation,” said Haitian president Jean-Bertrand Aristide, “through the filter of justice. Through reconciliation, streams of tears will come to our eyes.
On Saturday mornings I would walk to the Flavor Cup or Puerto Rico Importing coffee store to get my coffee. Often it was freshly roasted and the beans were still warm. Coffee was my nectar and my ambrosia: I was very careful about it. I decanted my beans into glass…and I ground them in little batches in my grinder.Larie Colwin
Physicians say that coffee without cream is more wholesome, particularly for persons of weak digestion. There seems to be some element in the coffee which combined with the milk, forms a leathery coating on the stomach, and impairs digestion.
Buckeye Cookbook (1883)
The history of coffee houses, ere the invention of clubs, was that of manners, the morals and the politics of a people.
Natalie's Picture on a Coffee Mug
Natalie's estate is handled by Global Icons, and they police the world so her picture isn't on a T-shirt or coffee cup unless we approve of it.
Sneezing While Holding Coffee
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
Jean Kerr, Mary, Mary
Coffee is Quite the Useful Medicine!
Coffee, though a useful medicine, if drunk constantly will at length induce a decay of health , and hectic fever.
Jesse Torrey, The Moral Instructor (1879)
Performing at the Local Coffee Houses
When I was 6 years old, I was in a rock band that was horrible called ‘Dead End,' the name kind of described us. People liked us; we would go and perform at coffee houses and stuff.
Cafe society is as old as the hills. Starbucks and its imitators are the coffee face of the new man in a hurry.
Why Americans Can't Have Awesome Coffee
American lacks the decadence required for truly great coffee. But we're acquiring it, I think.
Great Food Almanac
I'm sittin' in the corner feelin' glad, got no money comin' in but I can't be sad, That was the best cuppa coffee I ever had, And I won't worry about a thing because we got it made, here on the Inside outside's so far away.
Jethro Tull, Inside
Living in an Instant Coffee World
We live in an instant coffee world. Sometimes real-world solutions take a little longer.
Coffee as drunk in England, debilitates the stomach, and produces a slight nausea…it is usually made from bad Coffee, served out tepid and muddy, and drowned in a deluge of water.William Kitchiner (1775-1827)
A certain Liquor which they call Coffee…which will soon intoxicate the brain.G.W. Parry (1601)
I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.
Abigail Reynolds, Pemberley by the Sea
Complacencies of the peignoir, and late
Coffee and oranges in a sunny chair.
And the green freedom of a cockatoo
Upon a rug mingle to dissipate
The holy hush of ancient sacrifice
The first cup of gourmet coffee recapitulates phylogeny.Anonymous
Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis-a good hot cup of coffee.Alexander King
Audrey was a princess so natural, the camera really loved her. James and I kept each other company during all the rejections. We used to meet, have a cup of coffee and went from office to office to get work and never got work.Ben Gazzara
Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip, and low comedy.New York Times (1949)
It was like drinking the strongest coffee I've ever tasted, to see this movie. So much time has passed since then, and I stepped back into that time.Diane Lane
Persons drinking coffee, as a general rule, eat less, though coffee, and also tea, have little direct food value; but they retard the waste of the tissues, and so take the place of food.
Maria Parloa, Appledore Cookbook (1881)
I don't have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without caffeine.Anonymous
We certainly can try to grow in love, and it is good practice, this giving what we've got, whether it is a cup of coffee or money to pay the grocery bill.Anonymous
My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.Penelope Lombard
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.Anne Morrow Lindbergh
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