Coffee is a driving force in peoples lives - everyone loves the magical black brew or loves someone who is hopelessly addicted. It's not all serious though, as anyone who has tried to engage with a coffee lover pre-caffeine in the morning can attest to the lack of basic mental function, which can lead to some funny stories.
Sometimes reaching out with a humourous quote can ease tensions (they didn't really want to kill you) and give you something to bond over - it's okay, I know the demons need to be tamed by your morning coffee.
Authors and books
You get your inspiration and energy to do your best work with a cup of jo' in hand, so is it any surprise that many famous authors have as well?
“Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine.”Anonymous
“Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.”Anonymous
“Decaffeinated coffee, is kind of like kissing your sister.”Bob Irwin
Sometimes, the name you pick for your company or brand can have unintended consequences...
"Nescafe," says a Mexican saying, "no es cafe." (This means that instant coffee is not real coffee.)
Turkish Coffee Quotes
The ritual of having a coffee and a smoke to relax and refresh isn't necessary for physical survival, but may be for mental survival:
"Coffee and tobacco," says a Turkish proverb, "are complete repose."
Dutch Coffee Quotes
Denmark isn't always the warmest place in the world, and with cold weather comes dry air. No wonder it ranks among the top 10 countries in the world for coffee consumption per capita:
"Coffee has two virtues," proclaims an old Dutch saying, "it is wet and warm."
A Dutch variation of the "I like my coffee like I like my women" joke:
"The most stunning thing you can do is to go to Riyadh [the capital of Saudi Arabia] and walk around the streets downtown," said Thomas Lippman. "After you have had lunch at McDonald's, coffee at Dunkin Donuts and shopped at Saks Fifth Avenue, one has to wonder if they actually hate Americans or not."
German Coffee Quotes
If there's one thing you can say about the Germans, it's that they don't like to go half-way in on something. This German proverb proves that in both love and coffee, they want it hot:
"Coffee and love," states a German proverb, "are best when they are hot."
Brazilian Coffee Quotes
There's irony in hindsight, and with Brazil being the largest producer and exporter of coffee in the world, it's no doubt a boon that supports the livelihood of a large portion of their population. National "misfortune" indeed:
"Coffee is our national misfortune," said a Brazilian coffee farmer in 1934.
Italian Coffee Quotes
While not true in all regards (coffee isn't grown in Italy), the passion of Italians when it comes to espresso is unrivalled in other countries and industries:
"Espresso is to Italy," a gourmet coffee lover once said, "what champagne is to France."
Jamaican Coffee Quotes
There's wisdom in some of the simplest things, like accepting something once it's done. It takes some serious love of coffee to use it as a frame of reference for life.
"You can't take the milk," so goes a Jamaican proverb, "back from the coffee."
Viennese Coffee Quotes
Ever had a cup of coffee so good that makes all others seem bland by comparison? How about one so good that it tarnishes your perception of all others? The unnamed author here found that cup in Vienna.
"The best specialty coffee in Europe is Vienna coffee," someone once said, "compared to which all other coffee is fluid poverty."
Colombian Coffee Quotes
Coffee has an almost magical power to wake us up in the morning, but that doesn't mean that it will make you productive and happy:
"All of the premium coffee in Colombia," someone once said, "won't make me a morning person."
Irish Coffee Quotes
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups," said Alex Levine, adding "alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
Wait a minute, those aren't the food groups...
Arabic Coffee Quotes
In some coffee-growing countries, the two are so closely reliant on each other that priorities have to be explicitly set:
"O Coffee, thou dost dispel all care," said a 1511 Arabic poem adding, "thou art the object of desire to the scholar."
Coffee is great for all occasions. How much coffee on the other hand, is another story:
"The first cup is for the guest," says an old Arabic saying about coffee, adding "the second for enjoyment, the third for the sword."
American Coffee Quotes
The nightlife in New Orleans naturally lends itself to drinking coffee, so much so that they even have their own "New Orleans" style coffee:
"The city of New Orleans with its famous coffee and beignets, Jazz Music and beautiful architecture," said Bill Burke, "will be back like never before."
Coffee arguably powers the go-go-go hustle of America, and woe be anybody who gets in their way:
"An American will go to hell," says a United States proverb, "for a cup of coffee."
Chinese Coffee Quotes
It's a bold statement for a CEO to claim they've changed the culture in a country, but Starbucks may well have been able to do it:
"China traditionally has been a tea-drinking country, but we turned them into coffee drinkers."Howard Schultz
Nicaragua Coffee Quotes
"We prefer the loss of the coffee," said Nicaraguan politician Jaime Wheelock, "to the loss of the country."
Maybe the human race hasn't changed so much in 500 years...
"I'll drink Juan Valdez's coffee," said Gary Gollehon, "but I don't want to ride his burro."
While arguably the most successful coffee brand in the world, Juan Valdez's donkey is still a source of distraction.
"A cup of coffee," says a Turkish Proverb, "commits one to forty years of friendship."
We've all had those bonds that sprung up effortlessly over a cup of coffee - sometimes, you have to be careful who you share it with.
"Men should be like coffee," says a Dutch proverb, adding "hot, sweet, and strong."
British Coffee Quotes
Is it ironic or just sad that an American brand of coffee is popular near the birthplace of true coffee?
"Good coffee may come from Arabia or India, from the Blue Mountains of Jamaica, or via France with an admixture of chicory," said British write Dame Agnes Graham Jekyll, "but its flavor and excellence will be derived from daily careful roasting and grinding, a truism universally admitted and habitually disregarded."
Sometimes, convenience wins over quality.