Coffee and Obituaries to Start the Day
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older. I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Bill Cosby
Coffee Squeezed From A Sleeve
English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen (1894-1956)
Can't Get the Intern To Make Me A Cup of Coffee
Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser, I can't even get the intern to make me coffee.
David Letterman
Coffee and Sleep
A morning without gourmet coffee is like sleep.
Anonymous
Coffee and Men Better Rich - Funny Coffee Quotes
Chocolate, men, coffee-some things are better rich.
Anonymous
A Charcoal Fire and the Coffee Boiling
The coffee was boiling over a charcoal fire, and large slices of bread and butter were piled one upon the other like deals in a lumber yard.
Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
Coffee Helpeth Digestion, Says Bacon
The drink that comforteth the brain and heart and helpeth digestion.
Bacon
Espresso Will Keep You Awake Until Noon
Don't drink espresso in the morning, it will keep you awake until noon.
Anonymous
Coffee Is the Beverage of the People of God
“O coffee, thou displlest the cares of the great: thou bringest back those who wander from the paths of knowledge. Coffee is the beverage of the people of God, and the cordial servants who thirst for wisdom. Every care vanishes when the cup bearer present thee the delicious chalice. It will circulate fleetly through thy veins, and will not rankle there: if thou doubtest this, contemplate the youth and beauty of those who drink it. Coffee is the drink of God's people, in it is health. Whoever has seen the blissful chalice, will scorn the wine cup. Glorious drink! Thy colour is the seal of purity, and reason proclaims it genuine. Drink with confidence, and regard not the prattle of fools, who condemn with foundation.
Sheikh Abudul Kadir, the son of Mohammed, Treatise on Modern Stimulants (c.1850)
The Five Descending Stages of Coffee
Coffee comes in five descending stages: Coffee, Java, Jamoke, Joe, and Carbon Remover.
Robert A. Heinlein, Glory Road
Coffee When You Are Down On Your Luck
When a man is down on his luck he seems to consume all he can get of coffee and doughnuts.
Robertson Davies
Please Do Not Dilute My Caffeine Stream
Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream.
Anonymous
Also see: Coffee Quotes - Funny Quotes
Bad Coffee is Better Than No Coffee
I like cappuccino, actually. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.
David Lynch
Funny Coffee Quotes - The Funniest Quotes About Coffee
The coffee was boiling over a charcoal fire, and large slices of bread and butter were piled one upon the other like deals in a lumber yard.
Charles Dickens
Coffee Brewing Is Rocket Science
Brewing espresso, unlike other methods of brewing coffee IS rocket science!
Knox and Huffaker, Coffee Basics: A Quick and Easy Guide
Take Black Coffee for Fuchsian Functions - Espresso Coffee Guide Funny Coffee Quotes
For fifteen days I struggled to prove that no functions analogous to those I have since called Fuchsian functions could exist; I was then very ignorant. Every day I sat down at my work table where I spent an hour or two; I tried a great number of combinations and arrived at no result. One evening, contrary to my custom, I took black coffee; I could not go to sleep; ideas swarmed up in clouds; I sensed them clashing until, to put it so, a pair would hook together to form a stable combination. By morning I had established the existence of a class of Fuchsian functions, those derived from the hypergeometric series. I had only to write up the results which took me a few hours.
Henri Poincare, Science et Methode
Analyzing the Stain on the Coffee Cup
It is extraordinary how the house and the simplest possessions of someone who has been left become so quickly sordid. Even the stain on the coffee cup seems not coffee but the physical manifestation of one's inner stain, the fatal blot that from the beginning had marked one for ultimate aloneness.
Coleman Dowell, Mrs. October Was Here (1973)
Drink Coffee At Dawn, Beer After Work
There are those who love to get dirty and fix things. They drink coffee at dawn, beer after work. And those who stay clean, just appreciate things. At breakfast they have milk and juice at night. There are those who do both, they drink tea.
Gary Snyder
Strong, Hot and Black Coffee
Black coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.
Andre Simon
Funny Coffee Quotes - Smile and Enjoy the Flavors and Aromas
The best coffee in Europe is Vienna, compared to which all other coffee is fluid poverty.
Anonymous
I Was His Coffee and He Was My Cream
He was my cream, and I was his coffee, and when you poured us together, it was something.
Josephine Baker
He Makes Great Coffee!
He's a friendly and caring guy whom I really respect for his knowledge of touring, not to mention my favorite brand of coffee is consistently brewed backstage every night.
David Bowie
Coffee Provokes Appetite and Roves Vapours From the Brain!
Moderately drunk, coffee removes vapours from the brain, occasioned by fumes of wine, or other strong liquors; eases pains in the head, prevents sour belchings, and provokes appetite.
England's Happiness (1699)
Coffee Once Each Week Is Necessary Says Jonathan Swift
The best Maxim I know in this life is, to drink your Coffee when you can, and when you cannot, to be easy without it. While you continue to be splenetic, count upon it I will always preach. Thus much I sympathize with you that I am not cheerful enough to write, for I believe Coffee once a week is necessary to that.
Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
Start Your Day with Some Funny Coffee Quotes
Espresso and Champagne - Italy and France
Espresso is to Italy what champagne is to France.
Anonymous
Drinking Espresso Is An Aesthetic Experience
Espresso consumption is an aesthetic experience,like tasting a vintage wine or admiring a painting. It is a search for beauty and goodness and improving the quality of life. As it offers such subjectively ineffable ‘goodness,' devoid of defects, the only adequate reaction to it is astonishment – astonishment that can give birth to enthusiasm, and therefore intellectual and spiritual enrichment.
Andrea Illy, Espresso Coffee: The Science of Quality
Sharing Coffee With a Friend
A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.
Anonymous
What We Will Do for Great Coffee
An American will go to hell for a bag of premium gourmet coffee.
Anonymous
Coffee Has Extended the Work Day
Coffee has … expand[ed] humanity's working-day from twelve to a potential twenty-four hours. The tempo, the complexity, the tension of modern life, call for something that can perform the miracle of stimulating brain activity, without evil, habit-forming after-effects
Margaret Meagher, To Think of Coffee (1942)
Dreams of the Rich Coffee Beverage of Home
After a few months' acquaintance with European ‘coffee' one's mind weakens, and his faith with it, and he begins to wonder if the rich beverage of home, with it's clotted layer of yellow cream on top of it, is not a mere dream after all, and a thing which never existed.
Mark Twain, A Tramp Abroad (1880)
The Primary Qualities of Brewed Coffee
Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.
Charles Maurice de Talleyrand (1754-1838)
Making Coffee Nervous
This guy makes coffee nervous.
Bobby Heenan
Enjoying the Caffeine Through Hypospray
Do you want me to prepare a hypospray, so you can absorb the caffeine more directly?
Neelix, Star Trek: Voyager
You can't take the milk back from the coffee.
Jamaican proverb
People are kind of like zombies in Hong Kong now-a-days. You don't see that glow anymore. In terms of colour Hong Kong looks a bit grey. To counter that, I think we should give out free espresso samples to give people more caffeine; triple espresso with Irish cream syrup, iced! People just need to get a bit more wired.
David Wu
Enjoy Your Funny Coffee Quotes
Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.
Anonymous
Coffee Serves As A Social Binder
Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat.
1949 New York Times
Coffee and Baseball
He's going after one of baseball's greatest records. There's going to be a buzz about everything he does, from getting coffee to going to home plate. What he wants to do is his decision. We're happy to have him here.
Tyler Walker
Stopping For A Cup of Coffee
Are we sure it is desirable for a man's spirit not to be at war with itself, or that it is better to be serene and ready to go to dinner than to be excited and unwilling to stop for a cup of coffee, even?
William Saroyan
Coffee As Black As Ink
A very good drink they call Chaube that is almost as black as ink and very good in illness, especially of the stomach. This they drink in the morning early in the open places before everybody, without any fear or regard, out of clay or China cups, as hot as they can, sipping it a little at a time.
Leonhard Rauwolf
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