George Carlin Weighs In on the Complicated Starbucks Order
The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grande half soy half low-fat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet ‘n Low and one Nutra Sweet…ooooh, you are a huge asshole.
Pushing Coffee On Television
“I never worked in a coffee shop,” said Scott Patterson, “and I don’t drink coffee, so I never thought I would become a coffee pusher on TV.”
Going Mad In the Coffee House
I have tried to show the cafe as a place where one can go mad.
Vincent Van Gogh
Coffee and its Flavors Hitherto Unknown
The centuries last passed have also given the taste important extension; the discovery of sugar and its different preparations, of alcoholic liquors, of wines, ices, vanilla, tea and coffee, have given us flavors hitherto unknown.
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
Coffee Quotes Funny continued:
A Cafe Con Leite for Breakfast in Brazil
“Coffee in Brazil is always made fresh and, except at breakfast time, drunk jet black from demitasses first filled almost to the brim with the characteristic moist, soft coffee sugar of the country,” wrote Bob Brown and Cora Rose adding, “which melts five times as fast as our hard granulated. For breakfast larger cups are used, and they’re more than half filled with cream. This cafe con leite doesn’t re-quire so much sugar as cafe preto-black coffee.”
South American Cookbook (1939)
Coffee is a Thing Needful at the Breakfast Hour
“In most households a cup of coffee is considered the one thing needful at the breakfast hour. But how often this exhilarating beverage, that ‘comforteth the brain and heateth and helpeth digestion’ is made muddy and ill-flavoured!” wrote Janet McKenzie Hill, adding “You may roast the berries ‘to the queen’s taste,’ and grind them fresh every morning, and yet, if the golden liquid be not prepared in the most immaculate of coffee-pots, with each return of morning, a new disappointment awaits you.”
Practical Cooking and Serving (1902)
Starbucks Quotes on Cups – Coffee Quotes Funny
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’
Coffee Will Bring Stream of Tears to Our Eyes
We shall prepare the coffee of reconciliation,” said Haitian president Jean-Bertrand Aristide, “through the filter of justice. Through reconciliation, streams of tears will come to our eyes.
Coffee – My Nectar and Ambrosia
On Saturday mornings I would walk to the Flavor Cup or Puerto Rico Importing coffee store to get my coffee. Often it was freshly roasted and the beans were still warm. Coffee was my nectar and my ambrosia: I was very careful about it. I decanted my beans into glass…and I ground them in little batches in my grinder.
Coffee Quotes Funny – Way To Start Your Coffee Day!
Coffee Creates a Leathery Coating on the Stomach
Physicians say that coffee without cream is more wholesome, particularly for persons of weak digestion. There seems to be some element in the coffee which combined with the milk, forms a leathery coating on the stomach, and impairs digestion.
Buckeye Cookbook (1883)
D’Israeli On the History of Coffee Houses
The history of coffee houses, ere the invention of clubs, was that of manners, the morals and the politics of a people.
Natalie’s Picture on a Coffee Mug
Natalie’s estate is handled by Global Icons, and they police the world so her picture isn’t on a T-shirt or coffee cup unless we approve of it.
Sneezing While Holding Coffee
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
Jean Kerr, Mary, Mary
Coffee is Quite the Useful Medicine!
Coffee, though a useful medicine, if drunk constantly will at length induce a decay of health , and hectic fever.
Jesse Torrey, The Moral Instructor (1879)
Performing at the Local Coffee Houses
When I was 6 years old, I was in a rock band that was horrible called ‘Dead End,’ the name kind of described us. People liked us; we would go and perform at coffee houses and stuff.
Funny Coffee Quotes continued:
Cafe Society – As Old as the Hills
Cafe society is as old as the hills. Starbucks and its imitators are the coffee face of the new man in a hurry.
Why Americans Can’t Have Awesome Coffee
American lacks the decadence required for truly great coffee. But we’re acquiring it, I think.
Great Food Almanac
No Money But a Great Cup of Coffee
I’m sittin’ in the corner feelin’ glad, got no money comin’ in but I can’t be sad, That was the best cuppa coffee I ever had, And I won’t worry about a thing because we got it made, here on the Inside outside’s so far away.
Jethro Tull, Inside
Living in an Instant Coffee World
We live in an instant coffee world. Sometimes real-world solutions take a little longer.
Coffee As a Tepid and Muddy Deluge of Water
Coffee as drunk in England, debilitates the stomach, and produces a slight nausea…it is usually made from bad Coffee, served out tepid and muddy, and drowned in a deluge of water.
William Kitchiner (1775-1827)
Coffee Intoxicates the Brain
A certain Liquor which they call Coffee…which will soon intoxicate the brain.
G.W. Parry (1601)
Enjoy Your Coffee – Coffee Quotes Are Funny
I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.
Abigail Reynolds, Pemberley by the Sea
Coffee, Oranges and Ancient Sacrifice
Complacencies of the peignoir, and late
Coffee and oranges in a sunny chair.
And the green freedom of a cockatoo
Upon a rug mingle to dissipate
The holy hush of ancient sacrifice
Coffee and its Ability to Recapitulate Phylogeny
The first cup of gourmet coffee recapitulates phylogeny.
Coffee Quotes Funny – The Funniest Coffee Quotes
Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis-a good hot cup of coffee.
Coffee, and We Never Got to Work
Audrey was a princess so natural, the camera really loved her. James and I kept each other company during all the rejections. We used to meet, have a cup of coffee and went from office to office to get work and never got work.
High Finance and Common Gossip Over Coffee
Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip, and low comedy.
New York Times (1949)
Coffee and Stepping Back in Time
It was like drinking the strongest coffee I’ve ever tasted, to see this movie. So much time has passed since then, and I stepped back into that time.
People Who Drink Coffee Eat Less
Persons drinking coffee, as a general rule, eat less, though coffee, and also tea, have little direct food value; but they retard the waste of the tissues, and so take the place of food.
Maria Parloa, Appledore Cookbook (1881)
No Problem With Coffee!
I don’t have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without caffeine.
We certainly can try to grow in love, and it is good practice, this giving what we’ve got, whether it is a cup of coffee or money to pay the grocery bill.
Coffee Quotes – Funny Quotes
My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.
Coffee Quotes Funny Is the Way To Start the Day!
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Thank you for reading Coffee Quotes Funny!
Discover the World’s Best Premium Gourmet Coffees
Also see: World’s Best Coffee