Barista Humor to Make you Smile over a Cup of Coffee!
When Ethel was brought a cup of coffee by her ten-year-old grandson Jimmy she was very impressed that he learned to work the machine and brew her a cup of coffee. Then as she finished drinking it she found three little toy Army men at the bottom.
“Oh my gosh,” she said, “why are these Army men in my coffee cup Jimmy?” and he replied, “I heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!”
Espresso Coffee Will Keep You Awake Until Noon!
Don’t drink espresso in the morning, it will keep you awake until noon.Anonymous
Brewing Coffee for a Better Marriage
Did you hear about the woman claimed her husband’s horrible coffee making was grounds for divorce!
The Decaffeinated Bovine – What?
What do you call a cow that has just given birth? Answer: Decalfinated!
It has been said that coffee is a beverage which will put you to sleep if you don’t drink it.
In the book Coffee Basics Knox and Huffaker stated that “ Brewing espresso, unlike other methods of brewing coffee IS rocket science!”
You drink too much coffee when…
You can take a picture of yourself from a twenty-foot distance and you don’t even need a camera timer!
You answer the front door before anyone knocks on it.
You use your teeth to grind your coffee.
On your coffee mug is a photo of your favorite coffee mug!
You don’t blink, you ski uphill, and get speeding tickets even when you’re parked.
The last time you stood still was during an earthquake.
When you sneeze your eyes stay open, and the local coffeehouse gave you its employee of the month award even though you don’t work there!
You can thread a sewing machine while it is running, and sleep eyes open.
When you watch a video you do it on fast forward.
Your hand is always in the shape needed to hold your favorite coffee mug.
You name your child Juan Valdez and your dog Espresso!
Your lips are always in the sipping position.
When you go to the beach you roast instead of tan.
When your temper is riled you get steamed.
– Enjoy the Barista Humor –
Poison in Your Coffee
One of the most famous coffee exchanges of all time occurred when the esteemed Nancy Astor quipped to Winston Churchill, “If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee,” to which the witty Churchill responded, “If I were your husband I would drink it.”
Coffee and a Forty-One Inch Bust
A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee – a lot more.Jayne Mansfield
Traveling Back in Time with Coffee
It was Steven Wright who said that he put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Gourmet Coffee Lovers Espresso Yourself!
Be a coffee drinking individual, espresso yourself!
Bob drinks so much coffee that he doesn’t sweat anymore, he just percolates!
Searching for the Double Meaning in Coffee
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.Mae West
Monty Python and Coffee
Dinsdale. He was a nice boy… he nailed my head to a coffee table.Monty Python
Coffee and Men
Some women were sitting around talking about why they all believed that coffee is better than men. One said, “because you can always ditch a cup of coffee.” Another added, “Coffee looks good in the morning.” Another chimed in, “You can make the coffee as sweet as you like.”
“Yes,” another woman added, “and coffee tastes and smells good.” I agree,” added another lady, “and it doesn’t even matter if its a big cup or a small cup.” “Oh, so true,” added another, “and also it is nice that you can have an intelligent conversation with a cup of coffee.”
Coffee and Obituaries
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older,” said Mr. Bill Cosby, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.”
A Thermos Full of Coffee
Did you hear about the intern that was sent to get the office some coffee and took a large thermos. At the coffee shop he told the Barista to fill the thermos with two cups of decaf, two regular cups, and two vanilla-flavored coffees.
Fred mentioned to his friend Bob that his greatest fear was “old and weak.” Don’t worry Fred,” answered Bob, “you’re very fit.” “No, not me,” answered Fred, “I’m afraid of my coffee being old and weak.”
Complicated Coffee Orders and Personality Types
The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grande half soy half low-fat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet ‘n Low and one Nutra Sweet…ooooh, you are a huge asshole.
Bring Me Tea Please!
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.Abraham Lincoln
The Coffee Theorem
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.Albert Einstein
Can’t Get the Intern To Make Coffee
“Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser, I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee.”David Letterman
The Founding Fathers and Coffee
And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians,” ranted Dennis Miller adding, “Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God’s sake, they were blowing peoples’ heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn’t even coffee.”
Cocaine is Evil Coffee!
Cocaine is like really evil coffeeCourtney Love
Coffee and Exercise
Did you hear about they guy who liked to drink so much coffee that he got the shakes because he thought it was good exercise.
Curing Major Face Pain Due to Coffee Drinking
A woman went to the doctor and lamented how she felt a piercing pain in her face every time she took a sip of her cup of coffee. The doctor wisely recommended to her a solution, which was to simply take the spoon out of the cup before she sipped the coffee!